Friday, November 22, 2013

Home Sweet Home (2013)

Director – John K.D. Graham
Writers – Andrew Boylan
Production Company – MirrorTree Productions
Stars – Alexandra Boylan

*Please note there was another movie that came out with the exact same name in 2013, don't get the two confused!*

Home Sweet Home is dull, predictable, and made me chuckle.  There is nothing good I can really focus on in this movie except for the location, which was beautiful.  The script, acting, and music were awful in my opinion.

In our opening scene we’re presented with two characters named Kristi and Van, they’re robbing a convenient store – think Natural Born Killers style for this pair but with acting not nearly as good!

Next Scene we meet Gwen (Alexandra Boylan) she’s the lead character, and again the acting is pretty awful.  Gwen is broke and unable to find a job, she calls up her brother and he suggests she goes to their parent’s house and sort out their belongings since they died over a year ago.


Gwen’s almost there when she stops for some coffee at a store, she dings the car next to her with the car door and Kristi happens to be loitering outside and gives Gwen a big ole stink over it.  Kristi’s character comes off as too cool for school, and it is super UNBELIEVABLE and over the top.  Gwen leaves as soon as possible, it’s obvious to her that Kristi has a few screws loose.

Gwen arrives at her parent’s house and pokes around, and that very first night she gets a knock on her door – you can probably guess who it is.  It’s Kristi and Van, they have been squatting in her parent’s house and Kristi is crazy angry over Gwen coming and taking this house back over. 

And here’s where we get to see lots of "I have a cell phone that works and my legs also work but I really can’t be bothered with such things movie."

Gwen has a cell phone, this cell phone pretty much works 85% of the movie, Gwen never calls 911 – she calls the police sure, but girlfriend just asks to leave a message for an old friend there.  THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! At least have the cell phone NOT work if it’s going to be part of the story.

Gwen is drugged by the couple, they choose to go have sex and sleep the night away, just leaving old Gwen on the couch to sleep too.  They never tie her up or restrain her, oh wait…they do cut off some of her hair for fun!!  Gwen is freaked out by this, freaked out but she never ever runs away!!!! Never, Never, Never!  She keeps to the house, the RV, and an old shack with random tools.  She has at least 200 times where she could have simply run up the road and escaped.  Dear lord!

During all of this hiding and random freaking out, Kristi is just calm and collected, it’s like a comedy watching this character as she pretends to be this sexy over the top lunatic, it’s really bad version of Mallory Knox.

Eventually Gwen gets the upper hand with Van, she manages to cut off a few fingers and then Kristi decides to off him since he’s of no use to her anymore – shoot he wasn’t receptive to Kristi’s new plan to go and live the good life in Florida!   We end with Kristi chasing Gwen around a little more and Gwen managing to coax her into a small closet where she locks her in.  Then Gwen leans against the closet door and takes a nap or something…she still does not run or call for help.

Gwen’s brother shows up eventually and puts Kristi in handcuffs, who doesn’t carry handcuffs? I keep a spare in my car for situations like this.  He places Kristi in his car, and she puts on her seduce face and seems to take some sort of psycho sexual power over the brother.  I imagine that they probably drive to Florida from here.

The end. Oh wait, Gwen drives away separately, the end.


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